


just you wait and see

by goblinsmacked



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Angst, Coming of Age, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Art, M/M, Returning Home, i read antigone nd suddenly im euripides, lets get it!, metaphorical gender issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 10:30:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20208283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goblinsmacked/pseuds/goblinsmacked
Summary: "Do you reckon my wings are still the same?" Jaemin wonders, head on Jeno's lap, blonde hair all spread like golden chains over the boy's thighs, Jeno runs his fingers lightly through it, careful not to disturb the angel."They're exactly as you picture them." He affirms, "probably a bit bigger, you've grown so much."or, Jaemin is a stranger to his own body. Jeno's alongside the journey.





	just you wait and see

**Author's Note:**

> cheers to the implied lack of sense of belonging nd gender issues! hope u like it as much as i do (and although it looks like it, this isnt a word vomit)

**it’s Friday afternoon  
there goes Antigone to be buried alive  
is there  
any way  
we can say  
this is normal  
rational  
forgivable  
or even in the widest definition just  
no, not really**

Jaemin dreams about his return to the Heavens in great detail. He wonders deeply whether Jisung still remembers his face, if Chenle maintains that faint glimmer behind his eyes every time he opens his mouth, or if the sky is still the same shade of blue from when he was a little kid. Deep down he wishes nothing's changed at all - the clouds are still as curvy and sweet, the water fountains as big and his presence as needed as before, though he knows Heaven doesn't work like that, it wouldn't be home if it did.

Jeno constantly reassures him that when the time to go back comes, he'll be ready for it, his heart won't ache with longing and his nape won't get cold from thinking about everything he's missed. He knows that's a path he might need to cross though, the excitement to go home that slowly turns to fear - eventually he'll deal with it, Jaemin thinks, _I'll stop pocketing these emotions and deal with them while my body's still human, while love and hate won't kill me and just cause me really bad stomach ache._

He knows most of the undying want to finally be able to spread wings is made out of his incapacity to fit in, unlike Jeno, Jaemin feels predestined to things: his wings, the halo on top of his head, the pending compromise that is living on planet Earth, etc. The backbone for his reasons for wishing to go back aren't selfish, it isn't the human body that he doesn't like, but the need to settle for it, to be locked inside it with no way out.

Jaemin sometimes thinks his relationship with mortality would be better if everything wasn't so sure and stable, if he could just forget about it for a second then come back to it, he thinks he'd be way better at this human thing for once.

"I'm scared - I'm scared I'm not going to be the only one who's changed. I'm also scared that I will." He breathes, hard, paying attention to the way the grass-like hairs on his forearm move slowly. "Scared about the possibility of not being accepted. I'm scared I won't be angel enough, Jeno."

Jeno sighs, chuckling a bit, not to invalidate the angel's feelings but rather make sure they aren't quite alright, aren't coming true. "That's silly isn't it, Jaemin? There's no right amount of angel, and if for some reason there was - you'd fit every box. You're perfect." He looks at the other boy hugging his knees, chin resting on top of them. "You're perfect, Nana."

"I'm not," Jaemin scoffs, "not here, not like this." He motions to his body, hesitantly running his fingers through his legs, "I don't want them to think this is still me."

"Was this ever you, though?" Jeno remarks, the verbal version of a hand to the back, mentally caressing Jaemin's shoulder knots away. "Were you ever human to even begin to wonder they'll mistake you for one?"

Jaemin looks at him, the sorrow in his eyes so perceptive Jeno gets taken aback for a second or so before he can even try to look unfazed, "Or were you only angel? Even with its flaws?"

Jeno thinks (and Jaemin on normal occasions would second it) the younger boy has deep, deep issues with things he couldn't count or name. He thinks it's way more than angel and human for Jaemin, way more than wings or feet, mortality or living on top of clouds for him; Jeno couldn't be the one to tell, he also wouldn't dare to try name things bigger than him, but it's not like it doesn't worry him - Jaemin's pain sends strikes to his own heart anyway.

If he could, he'd rip his own wings and gift them to Jaemin, get halos and Ezekiel's' ophanim sent to his mailbox so it'd make the boy happy - make him feel like he fits in. Screw it not being exactly moral; Hell - Jeno knows it's more of a heart thing than a mere physical want, Jaemin looks exactly what an angel must look like and that is, he is _Jaemin,_ but if he needs reassurance in all ways, Jeno would gladly give it all up for him. Who needs flying when Jaemin can't.

"Do you reckon my wings are still the same?" Jaemin wonders, head on Jeno's lap, blonde hair all spread like golden chains over the boy's thighs, Jeno runs his fingers lightly through it, careful not to disturb the angel.

"They're exactly as you picture them." He affirms, "probably a bit bigger, you've grown so much."

Jaemin giggles like a teenager at that, imagining his wings being two meters long, white feathers curvy and plump. How light flying with them must be now, cutting the wind like a knife over flesh, sharp and steady.

Jeno, on the other hand, doesn't spend his time wondering about how things are going up there, but rather engraving Earth's things to the back of his mind: The way their neighbor Mark Lee sings by his window during the afternoon, or the way alleyway cats purr under his touch, or even how sweet pancakes are to your taste buds. He'd like to remember how nice the evening breeze is and how tremendously scary silly horror movies are.

If he could - he'd get a tiny bit of everything Earthly inside his pocket, like a picture inside a locket necklace, so from time to time he could go back to how easier things were, how foolish humans are to take it all for granted, if only they knew Heaven isn't as much as a piece of cake as they dream it is.

It isn't a gateway to eternal bliss, far from it - but Jeno wouldn't dare to spoil everyone's party. After all, who is he to poke fun of the ones who take great time glorifying his peers but a wingless angel. Let them be foolish enough to think Heaven is guaranteed to them.

"What is it about humans," Jaemin stops for a split-second, measuring his words, "and their need to settle for everything? To be resilient?"

He leaves it at that, mind probably wondering deep and out of this plane of existence. _What is it about humans and their need to settle for everything?_

_Don't you wanna go crazy?_ Jaemin thinks, _don't you wanna rebel against what's been assigned beforehand to you? Is your life worth so little?_

"They don't know another way to live, Nana. They didn't get to see life from every point of view like us. Like _you."_ Jeno reassures him, tracing mindless patterns on the slightly younger's forehead. If anything good earth-related happened to Jaemin that is the moles he acquired after time; little kisses from the sun to his favorite angel.

"Still." Jaemin starts, "I couldn't do it like them, that couldn't be me. Why can't I shred my way out of a physical form, why can't I just mindlessly wander through the Universe? It sounds so stupid - silly."

_Wander through the Universe,_ that could ease Jaemin's heart then. The stillness of it all is the scariest part, Jeno thinks, if you're not glued to the ground you don't have the time to think about whatever else prickles inside your mind.

Maybe if they explored Earth like they should, Jaemin's heart wouldn't ache and therefore Jeno's. If they went to see the Eiffel Tower - grass would look absently prettier from above, or if they rather went to Rio's beaches, water wouldn't feel so monotonous under his fingers, but shimmering and full of life. Maybe that was the undiscovered mystery of it all - perhaps Jeno cracked the code. _Too late,_ he reflects.

"Leave me to my own absurdity, Jeno." Jaemin sputters, a copy of another Greek tragedy between his fingers, he's quite obsessed with them lately, saying his worries are as similar as the worries of a God, leaving no space to modesty - as he should.

And so Jeno goes, along to wherever _She_ planned him to go next; water a garden, prevent Lee Donghyuck from across the street from stumbling in his own feet or send another butterfly back to its own cocoon. Whatever _She_ decides as best, and if for some unforeseen reason, that is packing their bags to go back home alongside Jaemin - he'd be the first to break the news to the itinerant angel.

_Come on Jaemin,_ he imagines his voice barely above a whisper, _let's go home. Let's go back to love. Say goodbye to the sun that will no longer freckle your skin, it'll sorrow for your loss as bad as the Heavens did._

**Author's Note:**

> hhhhhhhh please feel free to comment, leave me some kudos or a kiss on the cheek i'd very much appreciate all of that! thank u thank u [spread my wings and fly away]


End file.
